So when you are on a free site ... well, pay for nothing, get nothing. I went on a date the other evening with a very attractive guy. We tried to find a coffee place, they were all closed so we ended up at a bar, that was pretty crowded so we walked to a restaurant down the street, they sat us and drinks turned into dinner and before I knew it I had spent much more time and money on a not so nice guy.
Now, I have had a lot of jobs and hobbies in my life. I have meet and been "friends" with people from tons of different backgrounds. If you meet enough theatre people, enough musicians, work in enough restaurants and random retail jobs, and have to get along with everybody...not only do you learn to make friends anywhere but nothing that anybody says will shock you. For example, when you learn that one of the guys you work with is an actual drug dealer...most of what tumbles out of the average guys mouth seems to pale in comparison.
I bring this up because I am sitting across from this guy and he is just letting stuff roll off his tongue left and right. I just keep thinking that even though I'm not really phased by it, I am certainly not impressed and can't help thinking "holy crap, well I can never introduce you to any of my friends or family". Then he dropped a bombshell about having been treated for an STD. And I am forced to ask myself this question...why on earth did I stay? Why didn't I get up right then and leave? Why am I so afraid of hurting these strangers feelings that I am willing to drop $20 on a salad and a glass of wine with some complete jerk that brooded the entire evening about how his life had gone wrong?
I quit.
Not dating...I'll still date if someone asks me but I'm done with the free sites. I had been operating under the premise that since I know I am a person of quality that the law of averages would ensure that someone else of quality would be on the very same site just waiting for little ole me! Not the case...at all. Incorrect premise! Time to regroup and move on.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Letting Me Down Easy
I had been dating a very sweet guy. Things had been going great for about a month. And then he fell off the map for a week. I wake up to an "I don't want to see you anymore" email.
Well sh*t.
First of all, I kick myself because I've been making excusses for him in my head. WHY??? He hasn't talked to me for a week and I'm the one saying "oh he's probably just exhausted from work"??? Come on!! I've read He's Just Not That Into You. I know that guys will find ways to talk to girls they are interested in, come hell or high water. I knew that something like this was coming when I hadn't heard from him in days.
Second...and email? One of many things that I hate about technology is that it allows guys to be absolute cowards. And to add insult to injury, his reason to stop seeng me is that I remind him of an ex-girlfriend. Really? Really?? So hung up about this ex that you can't seem to muster up some balls to just call me and tell me that you don't want to date me? You've got to throw that stellar line in there?
This is not the first time a guy has broken up with me online. But this will be the first time that he gets exactly what he deserves. I am not going to respond to him...ever again. I see no need to email back, text back, write back, call back or send a carrier pidgeon. He doesn't want anything more to do with me? Fine. Done.
Well sh*t.
First of all, I kick myself because I've been making excusses for him in my head. WHY??? He hasn't talked to me for a week and I'm the one saying "oh he's probably just exhausted from work"??? Come on!! I've read He's Just Not That Into You. I know that guys will find ways to talk to girls they are interested in, come hell or high water. I knew that something like this was coming when I hadn't heard from him in days.
Second...and email? One of many things that I hate about technology is that it allows guys to be absolute cowards. And to add insult to injury, his reason to stop seeng me is that I remind him of an ex-girlfriend. Really? Really?? So hung up about this ex that you can't seem to muster up some balls to just call me and tell me that you don't want to date me? You've got to throw that stellar line in there?
This is not the first time a guy has broken up with me online. But this will be the first time that he gets exactly what he deserves. I am not going to respond to him...ever again. I see no need to email back, text back, write back, call back or send a carrier pidgeon. He doesn't want anything more to do with me? Fine. Done.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Some things you just can't save :-(
Like the date I had tonight. Let me paint a picture for you. I'm all turned around with my attitude. I got all dressed, did my hair, looked crazy cute and arrived promptly at 7pm...to be met by the most non-communicative, grumpy pants, seemed so irritated to be there, guy that I have ever met. What gives???
And this guy, now lets be clear on this, and I have been messaging for a while. We had crazy clicky online chemistry (what a phrase!). He seemed normal and fun and we had witty banter and were learning about each other. I was seriously soooo excited to meet this guy. No joke!
This must have been his ill tempered twin brother. I could tell the moment he crossed the street and I did my little wave...barely a glimmer of recognition. There is usually that kind of cute awkward moment where you wave and smile and half laugh because you are presented with your date. Let the fun begin! For me? No smile, no wave...just a "hey" and then it was hands in the pockets, eyes anywhere but on me, one sentence at a time, painful conversation the flowed like molasses.
It lasted a grand total of 35, maybe 40 minutes.
What sort of person is ok sitting in almost complete silence the first night they meet someone? Well this guy apparently...and I know, cause I asked him! He said he feels comfortable sitting in silence...yeah bucko...so do I...with someone I actually know!!! Evidently "laid back" is synonymous with "silent and brooding". Two qualities that I do not find attractive...at least not in an adult.
And this guy, now lets be clear on this, and I have been messaging for a while. We had crazy clicky online chemistry (what a phrase!). He seemed normal and fun and we had witty banter and were learning about each other. I was seriously soooo excited to meet this guy. No joke!
This must have been his ill tempered twin brother. I could tell the moment he crossed the street and I did my little wave...barely a glimmer of recognition. There is usually that kind of cute awkward moment where you wave and smile and half laugh because you are presented with your date. Let the fun begin! For me? No smile, no wave...just a "hey" and then it was hands in the pockets, eyes anywhere but on me, one sentence at a time, painful conversation the flowed like molasses.
It lasted a grand total of 35, maybe 40 minutes.
What sort of person is ok sitting in almost complete silence the first night they meet someone? Well this guy apparently...and I know, cause I asked him! He said he feels comfortable sitting in silence...yeah bucko...so do I...with someone I actually know!!! Evidently "laid back" is synonymous with "silent and brooding". Two qualities that I do not find attractive...at least not in an adult.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Patience is a virtue
Because guys don't wear engagement rings...and often (when at the gym) they don't wear wedding rings. So it's a little silly, yet harmless, to formulate a crush on a guy that is married. Silly...very very silly.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Nitpick
He didn't walk me to my car. Party foul! Late night Baltimore...10 o'clock to be specific, and he didn't walk me to my car. We hugged it out. Fine. But no walking to no cars. Hmmm. Not that I can't take care of myself. Not that I actually felt like I wasn't safe in the area. Just a little moment in my mind of "hmm...he isn't going to walk me to my car."
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The One!!
We ladies (huge generalization about to occur) can get a bit involved with the idea of "the one". So much so that we start making exceptions for very bad dating behavior...sometimes before we even meet the guy.
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Sigh
I just don't understand ... maybe I missed it ... when did it be appropriate to write "ok, now what do you want to ask me?" or my other favorite "ask me more questions about me!" On the surface, not too terrible. But the implication is that I am not probing enough, I'm not asking enough intimate questions, essentially I have not yet given him free reign to talk about himself...and only about himself.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A Frog and a Prince
My mom and I have come up with a lovely scale called the Frog/Prince scale. Three frogs means it was the worst date ever, two means pretty bad but I didn't get up and leave, one frog means there might be some potential but we'll wait and see. One prince equals a nice time, two princes could warrant a hug and three means I will most certainly be seeing him again.
The guy I just met with was...well...sort of a zero. We had a fine time, the conversation was nice and flowed well. He is very attractive, gainfully employed, smart, etc. I have my boss's voice in my head saying "if the guy can't spring for coffee then it's not worth it" so that is a potential ding against him. He lives over an hour away which I did not realize so he is a little geographically undesirable. But he was sweet and we had a good time...
1 + -1 + zero ... so a zero? Hmmmm.
I'm on the fence with the whole who-buys-what idea. A part of me thinks that if I'm not even calling these dates then the guy is under no obligation to pay for anything. I am certainly capable of buying my own coffee. And another part of me is old fashioned and thinks that though the means of dating have changed, the fundamental rules really haven't changed much at all and the guy should be paying.
Angry feminists everywhere raise a fist and let loose a battle cry!
I'm on the fence, and will probably stay on the fence until something or someone knocks me one way or the other.
Can we talk for a minute about hugs? I am all for hugs. I used to be a really hug oriented person. I'd hug everyone and everything. Feeling sad? Have a hug! Feeling great? Another hug! Did we just meet? Lets hug it out! Hugs for everyone!!!! And then one day it sort of dawned on me, mostly because I was getting a reputation for sending mixed messages to my guy friends, not everything warrants a hug...not everyone wants to be hugged, and sometimes hugging is not appropriate.
What ever happened to the handshake? I feel like such an anti-touching grumpy pants but seriously? Sometimes I don't want to be touched! I am meeting these people for the first time ever. Handshakes are amazing and only require me to touch one part of you...your hand. It just sort of struck me between last nights kiss fiasco and this mornings awkward hug that two people that don't know each other shouldn't be that close.
I have another meet and greet tonight. I am going to go in for the handshake and see what happens. My guess? It'll be some equally awkward moment in which he's gone in for the hug and my had gets trapped between us. I just can't win!
*bangs head against wall*
The guy I just met with was...well...sort of a zero. We had a fine time, the conversation was nice and flowed well. He is very attractive, gainfully employed, smart, etc. I have my boss's voice in my head saying "if the guy can't spring for coffee then it's not worth it" so that is a potential ding against him. He lives over an hour away which I did not realize so he is a little geographically undesirable. But he was sweet and we had a good time...
1 + -1 + zero ... so a zero? Hmmmm.
I'm on the fence with the whole who-buys-what idea. A part of me thinks that if I'm not even calling these dates then the guy is under no obligation to pay for anything. I am certainly capable of buying my own coffee. And another part of me is old fashioned and thinks that though the means of dating have changed, the fundamental rules really haven't changed much at all and the guy should be paying.
Angry feminists everywhere raise a fist and let loose a battle cry!
I'm on the fence, and will probably stay on the fence until something or someone knocks me one way or the other.
Can we talk for a minute about hugs? I am all for hugs. I used to be a really hug oriented person. I'd hug everyone and everything. Feeling sad? Have a hug! Feeling great? Another hug! Did we just meet? Lets hug it out! Hugs for everyone!!!! And then one day it sort of dawned on me, mostly because I was getting a reputation for sending mixed messages to my guy friends, not everything warrants a hug...not everyone wants to be hugged, and sometimes hugging is not appropriate.
What ever happened to the handshake? I feel like such an anti-touching grumpy pants but seriously? Sometimes I don't want to be touched! I am meeting these people for the first time ever. Handshakes are amazing and only require me to touch one part of you...your hand. It just sort of struck me between last nights kiss fiasco and this mornings awkward hug that two people that don't know each other shouldn't be that close.
I have another meet and greet tonight. I am going to go in for the handshake and see what happens. My guess? It'll be some equally awkward moment in which he's gone in for the hug and my had gets trapped between us. I just can't win!
*bangs head against wall*
Hi my name is!
hi my name is martin and u look kool to me so i thout id stop by yer page and c if u wanted to go somwhere this wkend with me we might have lots to say and beers to drink and plz let me know k??
I weep for what some people do to the English language. I don't find it particularly fun to have to read through one long run on sentence,trying to decipher what some guy is actually saying. It does not give me hope that our conversations will be deep and interesting...more like shallow and boring. And I don't generally volunteer my time to shallow and boring people.
Pick up a dictionary! Hell, if you're on the internet you can look up how to spell the words you want to use. It's amazing! Almost like magic!
Sometimes, after a few particularly frustrating conversation with the bottom of the dating pool...I find I completely understand our unemployment rate. The world is populated by idiots. They are in the majority and the rest of us are just trying to climb through the sludge to get up for air.
New rule! If you can't be bothered to write a coherent profile, I can't be bother to respond to your attempts at communication...which means that I cannot email the very sexy fire fighter that just messaged me...even though he thinks I'm kool!
I weep for what some people do to the English language. I don't find it particularly fun to have to read through one long run on sentence,trying to decipher what some guy is actually saying. It does not give me hope that our conversations will be deep and interesting...more like shallow and boring. And I don't generally volunteer my time to shallow and boring people.
Pick up a dictionary! Hell, if you're on the internet you can look up how to spell the words you want to use. It's amazing! Almost like magic!
Sometimes, after a few particularly frustrating conversation with the bottom of the dating pool...I find I completely understand our unemployment rate. The world is populated by idiots. They are in the majority and the rest of us are just trying to climb through the sludge to get up for air.
New rule! If you can't be bothered to write a coherent profile, I can't be bother to respond to your attempts at communication...which means that I cannot email the very sexy fire fighter that just messaged me...even though he thinks I'm kool!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
You May Kiss Me If...
You may kiss me if...
* You know my first and last name
* We've been out on more than one date (not including the one we're currently on)
* You ask me and I say yes
* I tell you to (or ask...but usually I'll just tell you!)
* I know your first and last name
* We aren't still playing the "so what music do you like? get-to-know-you game
* We have done the full body hug more than once...not the lame hug of friendship
where I try and keep my pelvis as far from you as possible
...lest you get sexy ideas
* We have held hands on more than one occasion
* We do the sexy hug where our cheeks touch and we both are all slow to pull away
and our faces are close and I'm noticing how good you smell
and you're noticing how I have kick ass lips and then...
Yeah you can kiss me then!
If we're out on our first meet-and-greet...it should NEVER cross your mind that it is okay at ANY point in time to blindside me by going in for a kiss. It breaks all the rules and is downright scary! I am trapped! Locked in a hug that is far to close for comfort whilst your lips come flying at my face. This is not a good way to end an evening if you hope to see me again.
The result of such an action? Well, lets see. Amidst all the confusion I do believe that I, and only in the most lady-like manner, shoved him away from me and said "oh lord, not on the first date!". His response? "Oh, you never know. Some girls like that". Well not this girl, buster! The awkward was flying all over the place and we both ran to our respective cars.
Bad form my dear man...bad form.
And if I'm really going to get petty on this blog, and I am because chances are slim that he'll ever read this or that he's the guy I'll find my happy ending with...dude was way too tan, his teeth and hair were way too bleached, and he was way too into his own muscles. We had a pretty good time...honestly, I kept waiting for him to say "it's been fun but I don't think we're right for each other". At no point in time did he telegraph that he was into me enough to warrant a kiss. There were no warning signs!
Though I do think I need to work on my self image a bit. If Hottie McBenchpress thinks I'm kiss worthy, then screw you scale! I'm eating some cake!
* You know my first and last name
* We've been out on more than one date (not including the one we're currently on)
* You ask me and I say yes
* I tell you to (or ask...but usually I'll just tell you!)
* I know your first and last name
* We aren't still playing the "so what music do you like? get-to-know-you game
* We have done the full body hug more than once...not the lame hug of friendship
where I try and keep my pelvis as far from you as possible
...lest you get sexy ideas
* We have held hands on more than one occasion
* We do the sexy hug where our cheeks touch and we both are all slow to pull away
and our faces are close and I'm noticing how good you smell
and you're noticing how I have kick ass lips and then...
Yeah you can kiss me then!
If we're out on our first meet-and-greet...it should NEVER cross your mind that it is okay at ANY point in time to blindside me by going in for a kiss. It breaks all the rules and is downright scary! I am trapped! Locked in a hug that is far to close for comfort whilst your lips come flying at my face. This is not a good way to end an evening if you hope to see me again.
The result of such an action? Well, lets see. Amidst all the confusion I do believe that I, and only in the most lady-like manner, shoved him away from me and said "oh lord, not on the first date!". His response? "Oh, you never know. Some girls like that". Well not this girl, buster! The awkward was flying all over the place and we both ran to our respective cars.
Bad form my dear man...bad form.
And if I'm really going to get petty on this blog, and I am because chances are slim that he'll ever read this or that he's the guy I'll find my happy ending with...dude was way too tan, his teeth and hair were way too bleached, and he was way too into his own muscles. We had a pretty good time...honestly, I kept waiting for him to say "it's been fun but I don't think we're right for each other". At no point in time did he telegraph that he was into me enough to warrant a kiss. There were no warning signs!
Though I do think I need to work on my self image a bit. If Hottie McBenchpress thinks I'm kiss worthy, then screw you scale! I'm eating some cake!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Alright guys!
Lets get this thing back on track, shall we? That means actually going on more than two dates. Things are not looking up. I had to cancel my date tonight. Why would you do that, Laura!?? Cancel a date? That's not the point! The point is to actually go on dates!
Not when the guy announces he's going to be a half an hour late...
Pardon me? Once again, in my good ear? Ten, maybe fifteen minutes I can accept. But a half an hour? Come on people! I am not sitting my cute ass down for a half an hour to wait for your sorry ass to wander on up to meet me. I am sorry. I am not going to set a standard that says this is acceptable behavior.
Seriously, I get a text saying that my gentleman of the evening is going to be late. I call him and ask precisely how late. I was actually shocked that I didn't just tell him I'd wait. But them's the rules folks! I don't care how cute or smart or funny or perfect he seems. When meeting up with someone for the first time, you usually want to make a good impression...arriving half an hour late does not make a good first impression.
But Laura, how can you be so heartless?? His grandmother died, his dog ran away, his sister called from prison and needs him to wire money, his car broke down, his arm fell off and all he's asking is for thirty teeny tiny minutes to drag himself to meet with you. What gives??
Welp...all of that should have been taken care of prior to meeting me on time. I get it. Shit happens. Hell, it most certainly happens to me. But it's rare because I leave myself a half an hour to get some place that only takes ten minutes. I think a guy should have enough respect to be on time, even if it's just for coffee. Sure, if I date someone for a while and something comes up, I'm fine waiting around for a bit.
But not on a first "date". I don't want to give anyone the impression that I sit around with little to do except wait for guys to waltz into my life when they feel like it. So what did I do instead? Took myself to sushi, walked around down town and drove myself to a swing dance lesson and social. A good night had by all.
...except for the guy that didn't get the chance to met me! Sorry!
Not when the guy announces he's going to be a half an hour late...
Pardon me? Once again, in my good ear? Ten, maybe fifteen minutes I can accept. But a half an hour? Come on people! I am not sitting my cute ass down for a half an hour to wait for your sorry ass to wander on up to meet me. I am sorry. I am not going to set a standard that says this is acceptable behavior.
Seriously, I get a text saying that my gentleman of the evening is going to be late. I call him and ask precisely how late. I was actually shocked that I didn't just tell him I'd wait. But them's the rules folks! I don't care how cute or smart or funny or perfect he seems. When meeting up with someone for the first time, you usually want to make a good impression...arriving half an hour late does not make a good first impression.
But Laura, how can you be so heartless?? His grandmother died, his dog ran away, his sister called from prison and needs him to wire money, his car broke down, his arm fell off and all he's asking is for thirty teeny tiny minutes to drag himself to meet with you. What gives??
Welp...all of that should have been taken care of prior to meeting me on time. I get it. Shit happens. Hell, it most certainly happens to me. But it's rare because I leave myself a half an hour to get some place that only takes ten minutes. I think a guy should have enough respect to be on time, even if it's just for coffee. Sure, if I date someone for a while and something comes up, I'm fine waiting around for a bit.
But not on a first "date". I don't want to give anyone the impression that I sit around with little to do except wait for guys to waltz into my life when they feel like it. So what did I do instead? Took myself to sushi, walked around down town and drove myself to a swing dance lesson and social. A good night had by all.
...except for the guy that didn't get the chance to met me! Sorry!
Time Flies
When you have a kick ass time. I went out last night with a new guy. We had a few drinks, some great conversation and before I knew it...we had been talking for two and a half hours. I had a really great time.
Here's the thing...I did not have an initial "click" with this guy. We met up, had an awkward hug, some smiles and sat down. But damn, we were certainly clicking once the conversation got underway.
I don't trust chemistry. I have experienced, all too often, what happens when the chemistry falls away and you realize you have nothing in common. Sure, it's all fine and dandy to sit across from someone at dinner just waiting to rip each others clothes off...but eventually that fades. And if you have nothing in common, no mutual interests, nothing to talk about...really, whats the point?
Looks fade, we grow old, women aren't perfectly made up all the time, men don't look so amazing first thing in the morning with pillow creases on their face. I'm a red hot mess most of the time. If you can't be along for the ride...the entire ride...the good, the bad, the old, the ugly and all the rest...then whats the point?
Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy the comfort of a good "click". I love the moment when you meet up with someone and you just know that this is going to be a good night. It isn't a ton of fun to have to work to get the conversation going, keep it going...sometimes it feels like pulling teeth it's so painful. I am not a quiet person so when the conversation gets all lopsided I tend to talk more to fill the silence.
So tonight is coffee with someone new. We'll see if there's a click, perhaps some conversation chemistry, or it could just be dead in the water. Who knows!!!
Here's the thing...I did not have an initial "click" with this guy. We met up, had an awkward hug, some smiles and sat down. But damn, we were certainly clicking once the conversation got underway.
I don't trust chemistry. I have experienced, all too often, what happens when the chemistry falls away and you realize you have nothing in common. Sure, it's all fine and dandy to sit across from someone at dinner just waiting to rip each others clothes off...but eventually that fades. And if you have nothing in common, no mutual interests, nothing to talk about...really, whats the point?
Looks fade, we grow old, women aren't perfectly made up all the time, men don't look so amazing first thing in the morning with pillow creases on their face. I'm a red hot mess most of the time. If you can't be along for the ride...the entire ride...the good, the bad, the old, the ugly and all the rest...then whats the point?
Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy the comfort of a good "click". I love the moment when you meet up with someone and you just know that this is going to be a good night. It isn't a ton of fun to have to work to get the conversation going, keep it going...sometimes it feels like pulling teeth it's so painful. I am not a quiet person so when the conversation gets all lopsided I tend to talk more to fill the silence.
So tonight is coffee with someone new. We'll see if there's a click, perhaps some conversation chemistry, or it could just be dead in the water. Who knows!!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Purple Unicorn
Ok, I do realize that I need to actually go on internet dates in order to write about internet dating. I do have a full weekend planned...and will probably collapse sometime in the middle of work on Sunday. This is also incentive to keep these dates short and sweet...so I don't go crazy, get too exhausted or overwhelmed.
In the meantime, I feel it is completely appropriate to discuss the seemingly obligatory "six pack abs" picture. I should really thank the guys that post these pictures. It's an automatic pass for me, and makes my screening process oh so much easier! When guys are willing to post so openly and freely how shallow they are?? Delete! Do not pass go, do not collect dinner and a movie!
I value health and fitness. I am active and want someone that is interested in being active with me. I do not have six pack abs. I do not care if the person I am dating has six pack abs. So showing me a picture of you in the gym or in your bathroom (which I find a little weird to begin with) pulling up on your shirt to show what you clearly value most about your body...all I can think is damn...there must be NOTHING going on upstairs.
Why would anyone take a picture of themselves in the bathroom? It's a bathroom! I don't need to see your bathroom. I know it has the advantage of the mirror and makes using the camera on your phone much easier but ewww! People go to the bathroom in bathrooms. Does this creep anyone else out??
Consider this: Picture yourself posing in your bathroom, with your sexy stance and ribbed t-shirt...now imagine one of your guy friends behind the camera. A little awkward and embarrassing? Then you shouldn't be taking that picture!!!
I am sure this is judgemental (we've already established that I am, in fact, judgemental). I am sure there are many many guys out there that show off their physique and then go to their den to read Plato. I've just never met one. But not unlike purple unicorns...I've never seen one but I can't prove they don't exist.
In the meantime, I feel it is completely appropriate to discuss the seemingly obligatory "six pack abs" picture. I should really thank the guys that post these pictures. It's an automatic pass for me, and makes my screening process oh so much easier! When guys are willing to post so openly and freely how shallow they are?? Delete! Do not pass go, do not collect dinner and a movie!
I value health and fitness. I am active and want someone that is interested in being active with me. I do not have six pack abs. I do not care if the person I am dating has six pack abs. So showing me a picture of you in the gym or in your bathroom (which I find a little weird to begin with) pulling up on your shirt to show what you clearly value most about your body...all I can think is damn...there must be NOTHING going on upstairs.
Why would anyone take a picture of themselves in the bathroom? It's a bathroom! I don't need to see your bathroom. I know it has the advantage of the mirror and makes using the camera on your phone much easier but ewww! People go to the bathroom in bathrooms. Does this creep anyone else out??
Consider this: Picture yourself posing in your bathroom, with your sexy stance and ribbed t-shirt...now imagine one of your guy friends behind the camera. A little awkward and embarrassing? Then you shouldn't be taking that picture!!!
I am sure this is judgemental (we've already established that I am, in fact, judgemental). I am sure there are many many guys out there that show off their physique and then go to their den to read Plato. I've just never met one. But not unlike purple unicorns...I've never seen one but I can't prove they don't exist.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Meet and Greet
45 minutes is the perfect amount of time in which to exchange vital information, carry on decent conversation, and generally figure out if you can stand to be in the same room as the person you have just set eyes on. If you pass the 45 minute test, chances are there is a 50 minute...possibly an entire hour in your future.
I had a great 45 minute meet and greet yesterday.
Words were exchanged, conversation flowed with relative ease, he bought the coffee *always a plus*. We just...got know know each other a little bit better. It wasn't a date. Dates, to me, imply that you've at least exchanged words in person. The whole thing was easy, a little awkward, but fun. I left while I was still having fun. I left while there was still more to say.
The flip side of this is the "over share".
One such gentleman has emailed me his entire life story including but not limited to: his fiance, their break up, his spiritual journey, packing up his car and traveling across country to find himself, his parents failures, his return, his current goals, dreams, wants, social security number, and the intimate details about the 2.5 kids and 4 bedroom house that he will build with his own two hands and so help me I did not need to know ANY of this!!!!
You get the picture.
There is a balance between what needs to be said, what should be said, and what can be kept to ones self. The "meet and greet" is designed to skim the surface. Remember, this is all still very shallow, as it should be. We're all just trying to figure out if we can possible enjoy each others company. I don't need the life story just yet, that should come out over time.
In my mother's infamous words: If you vomit your life all over me, I'm sure you'll feel much better but I'll still be covered in vomit.
So guys...please, we all have baggage, we all have crazy ex's, and we all have stories that would make your hair curl. These do not need to be shared within the first few dates. Keep them to yourselves.
I had a great 45 minute meet and greet yesterday.
Words were exchanged, conversation flowed with relative ease, he bought the coffee *always a plus*. We just...got know know each other a little bit better. It wasn't a date. Dates, to me, imply that you've at least exchanged words in person. The whole thing was easy, a little awkward, but fun. I left while I was still having fun. I left while there was still more to say.
The flip side of this is the "over share".
One such gentleman has emailed me his entire life story including but not limited to: his fiance, their break up, his spiritual journey, packing up his car and traveling across country to find himself, his parents failures, his return, his current goals, dreams, wants, social security number, and the intimate details about the 2.5 kids and 4 bedroom house that he will build with his own two hands and so help me I did not need to know ANY of this!!!!
You get the picture.
There is a balance between what needs to be said, what should be said, and what can be kept to ones self. The "meet and greet" is designed to skim the surface. Remember, this is all still very shallow, as it should be. We're all just trying to figure out if we can possible enjoy each others company. I don't need the life story just yet, that should come out over time.
In my mother's infamous words: If you vomit your life all over me, I'm sure you'll feel much better but I'll still be covered in vomit.
So guys...please, we all have baggage, we all have crazy ex's, and we all have stories that would make your hair curl. These do not need to be shared within the first few dates. Keep them to yourselves.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The More Things Change
The more they stay the same. Thus far, including all of my prior flings with internet dating, I have been matched with someone from my high school, a guy I knew in college, I guy I dated in college, and now I'm churning through the same people I messaged but never met that last time I tried this. Hey, at least it's some familiar faces, right?
Good lord there are a lot of fire fighters on here. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the boots and the pants and whatnot. But wow...didn't know there were so many single fireman. If word got out I think we'd have a breakdown in social services or something. All firefighters are off on dates and everything burns to the ground.
I wish I could find the profile I read a few days ago. The guy made a comment about how every one puts hiking on their profile. We are all just closet hiking fanatics and the trails are simply packed with single hikers who are looking for a new hiking partner so they can fall in love with the outdoors and each other and have a wedding in the woods followed by a nice long hike to a cabin for the honeymoon which will involved even more hiking. Hiking boots must simply be flying off the shelves!
I think I put hiking in my profile. Which I can actually claim as a hobby because my sister lives near some kick ass trails and anyone that walks in the woods for two hours without water (because we're stupid and didn't wear watches) in the middle of July heat gets to call themselves a hiker.
I also feel like I've stumbled into the world of the tall. Holy crap! I didn't know this many people over six feet existed! I suppose I work with tiny people every day. My bosses and co-workers probably stack up at around 5'3" to maybe 5'6". I think I'd hurt my neck constantly looking up to these giants. Men grow like trees!
I get creeped out by guys that smile but don't show their teeth.
So, first date today! I am getting coffee with Jason. Lets see if we actually manager to get to the date this time :-)
Good lord there are a lot of fire fighters on here. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the boots and the pants and whatnot. But wow...didn't know there were so many single fireman. If word got out I think we'd have a breakdown in social services or something. All firefighters are off on dates and everything burns to the ground.
I wish I could find the profile I read a few days ago. The guy made a comment about how every one puts hiking on their profile. We are all just closet hiking fanatics and the trails are simply packed with single hikers who are looking for a new hiking partner so they can fall in love with the outdoors and each other and have a wedding in the woods followed by a nice long hike to a cabin for the honeymoon which will involved even more hiking. Hiking boots must simply be flying off the shelves!
I think I put hiking in my profile. Which I can actually claim as a hobby because my sister lives near some kick ass trails and anyone that walks in the woods for two hours without water (because we're stupid and didn't wear watches) in the middle of July heat gets to call themselves a hiker.
I also feel like I've stumbled into the world of the tall. Holy crap! I didn't know this many people over six feet existed! I suppose I work with tiny people every day. My bosses and co-workers probably stack up at around 5'3" to maybe 5'6". I think I'd hurt my neck constantly looking up to these giants. Men grow like trees!
I get creeped out by guys that smile but don't show their teeth.
So, first date today! I am getting coffee with Jason. Lets see if we actually manager to get to the date this time :-)
Goes Without Saying
I found this particular gem today...
"Figured I'd put this at the top: I'm ONLY interested in skinny/thin/average/slightly thick but built girls, NO heavy girls, no offense, nothing wrong w/ heavy girls, just not for me."
I really do wonder how often guys show up to meet their date, all hopefull and expectant, thinking about the lovely and trim pictures he has seen of her...wind blowing through her hair as she finishes a triathlon with perfect makeup...only to see a 250lb woman walk through the door and announce that she is his date and he's a shallow cad if he wont buy her drinks.
Somehow I doubt this is very common.
So why do so many guys feel the need to express this particularly shallow caveat? Sure, pictures can lie and good lighting works wonders. And lets be honest here. I am most certainly guilty of looking at someones profile and pictures and thinking "yeah, not for me". This whole thing is shallow! And I mean that in the sense that we all get this very quick, skimming the surface snapshot of someones life, education, interests, etc. So I don't like the way your left eye tends to droop when you smile. I don't have to respond to you. Shallow? Certainly. Well within my internet dating rights? Indeed! So what makes that ok?
...I don't post it in my profile.
There are a ton of things I'm looking for. I certainly want someone with a physique that I find attractive. But I don't open with "if you don't have a six pack please move along." I very much value education. I usually wont respond to someone that didn't finish high school...it's just not for me. But again, not posted in my profile.
I suppose it comes down to this. There are a lot of things you can learn about someone online by reading or asking. If her only interests include marathon tv viewing and cheese puffs, she probably isn't what you are looking for. I know we're all trying to put our best foot forward but I feel like most of the facade falls away if you just ask a few questions.
And another thing! If this is really supposed to be the best version of yourself that you are putting out there for all the world to see...why oh WHY wouldn't you make use of the English language and spell check!?? Hell, run the thing by your friends, your sister, your mom! If you sound like an idiot or an ass, someone will probably tell you. if u dont kar enuff to spell wurdz then u r prbly 2 dum 2 date.
"Figured I'd put this at the top: I'm ONLY interested in skinny/thin/average/slightly thick but built girls, NO heavy girls, no offense, nothing wrong w/ heavy girls, just not for me."
I really do wonder how often guys show up to meet their date, all hopefull and expectant, thinking about the lovely and trim pictures he has seen of her...wind blowing through her hair as she finishes a triathlon with perfect makeup...only to see a 250lb woman walk through the door and announce that she is his date and he's a shallow cad if he wont buy her drinks.
Somehow I doubt this is very common.
So why do so many guys feel the need to express this particularly shallow caveat? Sure, pictures can lie and good lighting works wonders. And lets be honest here. I am most certainly guilty of looking at someones profile and pictures and thinking "yeah, not for me". This whole thing is shallow! And I mean that in the sense that we all get this very quick, skimming the surface snapshot of someones life, education, interests, etc. So I don't like the way your left eye tends to droop when you smile. I don't have to respond to you. Shallow? Certainly. Well within my internet dating rights? Indeed! So what makes that ok?
...I don't post it in my profile.
There are a ton of things I'm looking for. I certainly want someone with a physique that I find attractive. But I don't open with "if you don't have a six pack please move along." I very much value education. I usually wont respond to someone that didn't finish high school...it's just not for me. But again, not posted in my profile.
I suppose it comes down to this. There are a lot of things you can learn about someone online by reading or asking. If her only interests include marathon tv viewing and cheese puffs, she probably isn't what you are looking for. I know we're all trying to put our best foot forward but I feel like most of the facade falls away if you just ask a few questions.
And another thing! If this is really supposed to be the best version of yourself that you are putting out there for all the world to see...why oh WHY wouldn't you make use of the English language and spell check!?? Hell, run the thing by your friends, your sister, your mom! If you sound like an idiot or an ass, someone will probably tell you. if u dont kar enuff to spell wurdz then u r prbly 2 dum 2 date.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Strike One
This is not starting on a high note. Let's meet John. John is 26 with charming good looks and a nice smile. His profile is witty and contains no grammatical errors. He is gainfully employed and a non-smoker. So far so good. We've emailed and jumped quickly to the coffee date. I am comfortable with this because I truly believe that people get to know each other face to face. Things seem fine.
I come home for work to find this gem in my mailbox.
"Look. I can't meet unless we hook up. I'm not on here for anything other than FWB..your choice."
...ummmmm wow. My initial response? "...joke?"
and a bad one at that.
What the hell? Seriously? What the hell? Who says that?! I suppose on some level at least he's being honest. But completely out of left field. I call my sister. Sisters always know! Her response? In no way is it ok for me to meet this guy in person. Hell to the no! I quickly draft a new response.
"on that note, joke or not, we probably shouldn't meet. enjoy your evening."
*sigh* This is not off to the kick ass start that I was enjoying only moments ago.
I come home for work to find this gem in my mailbox.
"Look. I can't meet unless we hook up. I'm not on here for anything other than FWB..your choice."
...ummmmm wow. My initial response? "...joke?"
and a bad one at that.
What the hell? Seriously? What the hell? Who says that?! I suppose on some level at least he's being honest. But completely out of left field. I call my sister. Sisters always know! Her response? In no way is it ok for me to meet this guy in person. Hell to the no! I quickly draft a new response.
"on that note, joke or not, we probably shouldn't meet. enjoy your evening."
*sigh* This is not off to the kick ass start that I was enjoying only moments ago.
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