Like the date I had tonight. Let me paint a picture for you. I'm all turned around with my attitude. I got all dressed, did my hair, looked crazy cute and arrived promptly at 7pm...to be met by the most non-communicative, grumpy pants, seemed so irritated to be there, guy that I have ever met. What gives???
And this guy, now lets be clear on this, and I have been messaging for a while. We had crazy clicky online chemistry (what a phrase!). He seemed normal and fun and we had witty banter and were learning about each other. I was seriously soooo excited to meet this guy. No joke!
This must have been his ill tempered twin brother. I could tell the moment he crossed the street and I did my little wave...barely a glimmer of recognition. There is usually that kind of cute awkward moment where you wave and smile and half laugh because you are presented with your date. Let the fun begin! For me? No smile, no wave...just a "hey" and then it was hands in the pockets, eyes anywhere but on me, one sentence at a time, painful conversation the flowed like molasses.
It lasted a grand total of 35, maybe 40 minutes.
What sort of person is ok sitting in almost complete silence the first night they meet someone? Well this guy apparently...and I know, cause I asked him! He said he feels comfortable sitting in silence...yeah bucko...so do I...with someone I actually know!!! Evidently "laid back" is synonymous with "silent and brooding". Two qualities that I do not find attractive...at least not in an adult.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Patience is a virtue
Because guys don't wear engagement rings...and often (when at the gym) they don't wear wedding rings. So it's a little silly, yet harmless, to formulate a crush on a guy that is married. Silly...very very silly.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Nitpick
He didn't walk me to my car. Party foul! Late night Baltimore...10 o'clock to be specific, and he didn't walk me to my car. We hugged it out. Fine. But no walking to no cars. Hmmm. Not that I can't take care of myself. Not that I actually felt like I wasn't safe in the area. Just a little moment in my mind of "hmm...he isn't going to walk me to my car."
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The One!!
We ladies (huge generalization about to occur) can get a bit involved with the idea of "the one". So much so that we start making exceptions for very bad dating behavior...sometimes before we even meet the guy.
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Sigh
I just don't understand ... maybe I missed it ... when did it be appropriate to write "ok, now what do you want to ask me?" or my other favorite "ask me more questions about me!" On the surface, not too terrible. But the implication is that I am not probing enough, I'm not asking enough intimate questions, essentially I have not yet given him free reign to talk about himself...and only about himself.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
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