So when you are on a free site ... well, pay for nothing, get nothing. I went on a date the other evening with a very attractive guy. We tried to find a coffee place, they were all closed so we ended up at a bar, that was pretty crowded so we walked to a restaurant down the street, they sat us and drinks turned into dinner and before I knew it I had spent much more time and money on a not so nice guy.
Now, I have had a lot of jobs and hobbies in my life. I have meet and been "friends" with people from tons of different backgrounds. If you meet enough theatre people, enough musicians, work in enough restaurants and random retail jobs, and have to get along with everybody...not only do you learn to make friends anywhere but nothing that anybody says will shock you. For example, when you learn that one of the guys you work with is an actual drug dealer...most of what tumbles out of the average guys mouth seems to pale in comparison.
I bring this up because I am sitting across from this guy and he is just letting stuff roll off his tongue left and right. I just keep thinking that even though I'm not really phased by it, I am certainly not impressed and can't help thinking "holy crap, well I can never introduce you to any of my friends or family". Then he dropped a bombshell about having been treated for an STD. And I am forced to ask myself this question...why on earth did I stay? Why didn't I get up right then and leave? Why am I so afraid of hurting these strangers feelings that I am willing to drop $20 on a salad and a glass of wine with some complete jerk that brooded the entire evening about how his life had gone wrong?
I quit.
Not dating...I'll still date if someone asks me but I'm done with the free sites. I had been operating under the premise that since I know I am a person of quality that the law of averages would ensure that someone else of quality would be on the very same site just waiting for little ole me! Not the case...at all. Incorrect premise! Time to regroup and move on.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Letting Me Down Easy
I had been dating a very sweet guy. Things had been going great for about a month. And then he fell off the map for a week. I wake up to an "I don't want to see you anymore" email.
Well sh*t.
First of all, I kick myself because I've been making excusses for him in my head. WHY??? He hasn't talked to me for a week and I'm the one saying "oh he's probably just exhausted from work"??? Come on!! I've read He's Just Not That Into You. I know that guys will find ways to talk to girls they are interested in, come hell or high water. I knew that something like this was coming when I hadn't heard from him in days.
Second...and email? One of many things that I hate about technology is that it allows guys to be absolute cowards. And to add insult to injury, his reason to stop seeng me is that I remind him of an ex-girlfriend. Really? Really?? So hung up about this ex that you can't seem to muster up some balls to just call me and tell me that you don't want to date me? You've got to throw that stellar line in there?
This is not the first time a guy has broken up with me online. But this will be the first time that he gets exactly what he deserves. I am not going to respond to him...ever again. I see no need to email back, text back, write back, call back or send a carrier pidgeon. He doesn't want anything more to do with me? Fine. Done.
Well sh*t.
First of all, I kick myself because I've been making excusses for him in my head. WHY??? He hasn't talked to me for a week and I'm the one saying "oh he's probably just exhausted from work"??? Come on!! I've read He's Just Not That Into You. I know that guys will find ways to talk to girls they are interested in, come hell or high water. I knew that something like this was coming when I hadn't heard from him in days.
Second...and email? One of many things that I hate about technology is that it allows guys to be absolute cowards. And to add insult to injury, his reason to stop seeng me is that I remind him of an ex-girlfriend. Really? Really?? So hung up about this ex that you can't seem to muster up some balls to just call me and tell me that you don't want to date me? You've got to throw that stellar line in there?
This is not the first time a guy has broken up with me online. But this will be the first time that he gets exactly what he deserves. I am not going to respond to him...ever again. I see no need to email back, text back, write back, call back or send a carrier pidgeon. He doesn't want anything more to do with me? Fine. Done.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Some things you just can't save :-(
Like the date I had tonight. Let me paint a picture for you. I'm all turned around with my attitude. I got all dressed, did my hair, looked crazy cute and arrived promptly at 7pm...to be met by the most non-communicative, grumpy pants, seemed so irritated to be there, guy that I have ever met. What gives???
And this guy, now lets be clear on this, and I have been messaging for a while. We had crazy clicky online chemistry (what a phrase!). He seemed normal and fun and we had witty banter and were learning about each other. I was seriously soooo excited to meet this guy. No joke!
This must have been his ill tempered twin brother. I could tell the moment he crossed the street and I did my little wave...barely a glimmer of recognition. There is usually that kind of cute awkward moment where you wave and smile and half laugh because you are presented with your date. Let the fun begin! For me? No smile, no wave...just a "hey" and then it was hands in the pockets, eyes anywhere but on me, one sentence at a time, painful conversation the flowed like molasses.
It lasted a grand total of 35, maybe 40 minutes.
What sort of person is ok sitting in almost complete silence the first night they meet someone? Well this guy apparently...and I know, cause I asked him! He said he feels comfortable sitting in silence...yeah bucko...so do I...with someone I actually know!!! Evidently "laid back" is synonymous with "silent and brooding". Two qualities that I do not find attractive...at least not in an adult.
And this guy, now lets be clear on this, and I have been messaging for a while. We had crazy clicky online chemistry (what a phrase!). He seemed normal and fun and we had witty banter and were learning about each other. I was seriously soooo excited to meet this guy. No joke!
This must have been his ill tempered twin brother. I could tell the moment he crossed the street and I did my little wave...barely a glimmer of recognition. There is usually that kind of cute awkward moment where you wave and smile and half laugh because you are presented with your date. Let the fun begin! For me? No smile, no wave...just a "hey" and then it was hands in the pockets, eyes anywhere but on me, one sentence at a time, painful conversation the flowed like molasses.
It lasted a grand total of 35, maybe 40 minutes.
What sort of person is ok sitting in almost complete silence the first night they meet someone? Well this guy apparently...and I know, cause I asked him! He said he feels comfortable sitting in silence...yeah bucko...so do I...with someone I actually know!!! Evidently "laid back" is synonymous with "silent and brooding". Two qualities that I do not find attractive...at least not in an adult.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Patience is a virtue
Because guys don't wear engagement rings...and often (when at the gym) they don't wear wedding rings. So it's a little silly, yet harmless, to formulate a crush on a guy that is married. Silly...very very silly.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
And on that note, let me just say that I need a bit of an attitude overhaul. I was on my way to a date last night and feeling grumpy and underwhelmed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with my friends fiance over the weekend. We were just talking about dating and finding the right person and whatnot. I started to complain about finding a guy in my area, I made a few jokes about all the guys I really liked living out of state.
So I'm sitting in my car, lamenting this date I'm about to go on, thinking about my conversation, being all grumpy pants and it just sort of hit me...
I complain about being single...a lot. I complain a lot. I make jokes, I write my blog and I complain. A lot. I had a great night last night. I met up with a very nice man, we had a good time, good food, good drinks and he walked me to my car. By my very own standards, this was a great date. So what the hell? Am I going to be upset because fireworks didn't fly out of his eyes and no mysterious voice told me that he's the one?
Ummmm no. Like I've said before, I'm not sure I believe in the one. And I am always wary of too much chemistry that can cloud a rather shallow connection. So what am I expecting? What am I looking for? I'm looking to meet up with a nice guy, have some good food and good conversation, and when the evening is over he walks me to my car.
I really did have a great night last night.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Nitpick
He didn't walk me to my car. Party foul! Late night Baltimore...10 o'clock to be specific, and he didn't walk me to my car. We hugged it out. Fine. But no walking to no cars. Hmmm. Not that I can't take care of myself. Not that I actually felt like I wasn't safe in the area. Just a little moment in my mind of "hmm...he isn't going to walk me to my car."
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Now, is this nitpicking or a character trait that I value and I should keep looking until I find it?
First of all, no matter how stupid, if it is important enough to me than it's important enough to keep looking for. If I know, in my heart of hearts that I want someone with certain attributes...why would I settle. Two dates and I'm already settling? I don't think so.
Second, if I am nitpicking over something small...then I'm really not that into him. People overlook the smaller and perhaps less significant stuff when they are really into someone. Clearly not the case here.
And on that note, I am about to get much more nit picky with the guys that I am choosing to meet up with. If I never read "ask me more questions about me!", it'll be all too soon. For pete's sake people! I know I've talked about this before and now I'm aiming it at one particular guy. Enough! I am officially done! You are not worth the headache I get when you basically scream that you don't get enough attention. You are cut!
I have a big heart. I feel like everyone is worth something, worth knowing, worth meeting at least once. Hell, if your mama loves you then someone else probably will, right? I want to give everyone a chance and everyone the benefit of the doubt. But here's the thing...no one has earned it. These people have to earn chances with me. Not eveyone gets to play, I don't have to date everyone, some profiles I look at and just don't get a good feeling from. I am not required to respond. If I were really feeling spunky, I could cancel every furture date I've set up and start from scratch with all new guys. I could choose to never speak to any of them again!!
And the power is back in my hands...where it belongs.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The One!!
We ladies (huge generalization about to occur) can get a bit involved with the idea of "the one". So much so that we start making exceptions for very bad dating behavior...sometimes before we even meet the guy.
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Case in point: I was supposed to meet a man last Sunday. He texted me to change our plans. He just drove back from Ocean City, got caught in a storm and was exhausted. Sure, fine, switch our plans to Tuesday evening. Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I text to confirm our plans. Low and behold, he might have to cancel if his company gets a shipment blah blah blah. I say ok, just let me know.
It is now 7:41 pm and I have not heard from him...our date was supposed to be at 8pm.
My initial instinct had been to text around 6:45 to see what was going on. I was kind of wondering. I told my co-workers my plan of action (we are all so involved in my dating life, constant source of amusement that it is) and my boss said something along the lines of "why on earth would you contact him?"
Why on earth, indeed.
This guy has canceled once, canceled again and hasn't even bothered to contact me and let me know that this evening isn't going to happen. What gives?? Why would I give this guy the time of day? He clearly isn't very interested and clearly isn't making this date a priority. Why would I want to go out with someone like that??
Because we had phone chemistry.
We've talked on the phone a few times and seemed to really hit it off. I was excited to meet him (after a string of less than note worthy dates) and now I'm disappointed. What if he is the one? What if he just needs one more chance? What if he got into an accident at work and now has no arms and can't dial my phone number and I should be rushing to his hospital bed and oh how could I be so judgemental???? Woe is me!!!
Seriously? If it's not that important to him, it certainly isn't that important to me. My "one" will call back, my "one" wont cancel our dates. He'll move mountains to see me and a POW camp couldn't keep him away. That is my guy. This no-show disappointment?? Not my guy!
Sigh
I just don't understand ... maybe I missed it ... when did it be appropriate to write "ok, now what do you want to ask me?" or my other favorite "ask me more questions about me!" On the surface, not too terrible. But the implication is that I am not probing enough, I'm not asking enough intimate questions, essentially I have not yet given him free reign to talk about himself...and only about himself.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
And thus I delete the email and stop responding to all communications.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we can't manage to keep our emails reciprocal then we probably don't have much of a chance in person. All I can picture is sitting across the table from some guy as he knocks back his drink and says "Let me tell you more about myself!". Well that is a special kind of irritating that I don't feel like dealing with.
My darling co-worker asked me how I was gong to choose between these guys. There are so many!! Well Lauren, they are doing an excellent job of weeding themselves out. I did get a text from the almost-kiss-guy. Evidently, the evening was worthy of further communication. I beg to differ. I think I'll just let it go. If he texts or emails again then I'll probably send him some kindly worded "thanks but no thanks".
My date last night got canceled and rescheduled, tonight is coffee at an open mic. So far? Well, we're into week two and I haven't pulled all my hair out or canceled my membership. So we're still doing pretty well...considering.
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