You May Kiss Me If...

You may kiss me if...

* You know my first and last name
* We've been out on more than one date (not including the one we're currently on)
* You ask me and I say yes
* I tell you to (or ask...but usually I'll just tell you!)
* I know your first and last name
* We aren't still playing the "so what music do you like? get-to-know-you game
* We have done the full body hug more than once...not the lame hug of friendship
where I try and keep my pelvis as far from you as possible
...lest you get sexy ideas
* We have held hands on more than one occasion
* We do the sexy hug where our cheeks touch and we both are all slow to pull away
and our faces are close and I'm noticing how good you smell
and you're noticing how I have kick ass lips and then...

Yeah you can kiss me then!

If we're out on our first meet-and-greet...it should NEVER cross your mind that it is okay at ANY point in time to blindside me by going in for a kiss. It breaks all the rules and is downright scary! I am trapped! Locked in a hug that is far to close for comfort whilst your lips come flying at my face. This is not a good way to end an evening if you hope to see me again.

The result of such an action? Well, lets see. Amidst all the confusion I do believe that I, and only in the most lady-like manner, shoved him away from me and said "oh lord, not on the first date!". His response? "Oh, you never know. Some girls like that". Well not this girl, buster! The awkward was flying all over the place and we both ran to our respective cars.

Bad form my dear man...bad form.

And if I'm really going to get petty on this blog, and I am because chances are slim that he'll ever read this or that he's the guy I'll find my happy ending with...dude was way too tan, his teeth and hair were way too bleached, and he was way too into his own muscles. We had a pretty good time...honestly, I kept waiting for him to say "it's been fun but I don't think we're right for each other". At no point in time did he telegraph that he was into me enough to warrant a kiss. There were no warning signs!

Though I do think I need to work on my self image a bit. If Hottie McBenchpress thinks I'm kiss worthy, then screw you scale! I'm eating some cake!